Staring Apology

I stare too much at your curves when you're not looking
My timing is off but it doesn't seem like you've noticed
While enjoying your exit or welcoming your presence 
The glare on my glasses gives me a slight edge
Let me apologize for staring...

I fantasize about your thighs
Wrapping them or me up in them, waist or cheek
Slowly stripping down to almost nothing
Yet I'm thinking, "ain't that something..."
Let me apologize for staring...

Flirting or actually being nice to me
Makes my appetite grow for your fruit toppings
Not seeing too many obstacles or options
So my dreams stay alive as my eyes feed my imagination
Let me apologize for staring...

Give It Up to Favor

She said, “I thought you’d never change.”

I said, “You promised to stay the same. 

Guess promises of never shouldn’t ever happen again.”

She paused.  Looked up into my eyes like she’s searching,

The lurking observer working hard to see my purpose. 

I wonder if she could ever, see my true purpose,

of wanting to be good man, seems like I’m cursed. 

Now I’m looking at her eyes, thinking about how I served this,

relation of contemplation hating the love that made this,

love affair that’s ending before it’s really beginning. 

She asked, “What goes through your mind when your eyes change?”

I replied, “I’m realizing that with time, hearts change. 

But then again, with time, I guess that all things change,

for better or for worse is the perception we all gain.”

“I see you go deep within, I wouldn’t know where to begin. 

I’ll never figure you out.  Just thinking about it makes my head spin. 

You are who you are.  I am who I am.  I was hoping this would work

but it seems nothing remains perfect.”

I added, “nobody’s perfect, yet I feel you’re the one. 

Prayed to God every night that you’d be a mother to my sons. 

And ours daughters would grow up to be, just Like the queen I see,

I look at you in truth, my heart sees inside of you. 

But, if you can’t see me like you did before…I’ll just give it up favor,

guess love don’t live here anymore.  I’ll just give it up to favor…”

As the Door Closes

As the door closes, I stand motionless

Little hunch in my back because of what my shoulders are holding

Unknowingly shorter so I’m feeling like I’m upright

Reflections of my direction directed by mirrored interpretations by

My weapon of mass destruction, my mind is under construction

Reluctantly accompanying my heart to the next juncture

Moving passed the punctured holes of my past, the devastation

My reality crumbled as do all man-made creations.

As the door closes, I stand motionless

Little pressure in my chest because of what my lunges try to process

Progress without struggle is the life I see in others

If I’m wrong, that means their strong or smart enough to keep it under cover

Another close friend said it was written on my face

Suggested I stop pretending if I hope to mend this shattered glass in my space

My state of mind is mystery to me I can’t conceive

My reality are dreams, it seems, I’m not sure who I am or who I hope to be

Seeing all this destruction, my mind is under construction

Reluctantly accompanying my heart to the next juncture

Functioning off muscle memory, the harmony of symmetry’s innovation

My reality crumbled as all man-made creations.

As the door closes, I begin to float away

No pressure even though there’s gravel in my pathway

Feeling like the last days, needing to exhale

No hunger but the game I played left parts of me emaciated

Gravitating to something clutching what seems to be my will

When I hear that door close, Lord Knows, I’ll want to break it down

Sounds of inner voices reliving choices, courting me not to back down

Of course it’s all about the focus, relentless intent not to turn back now

This is just the beginning of building what He intended…I tell myself

This is just the beginning of what He truly intended, I remind myself.

A Simple Hello

“Hello?”

“Good evening.  We have Caller ID…why do you answer as if you don’t know who it is that’s calling or that you’re surprised to hear from me?”

“And how are you? Long day?”

“No, not really.  I’d appreciate if you’d answer my questions.  Answering a question with a question isn’t answering.”

“The pot calling the kettle black I see.”

“It shouldn’t be this difficult,” he sighs.  “It’s like pulling teeth.”

“I’m merely joking.  I can let you go if you need…” she offers.

“What I need is for you to answer the questions I asked,” he insists.

“And what questions would those be?” she asks.

“Never mind…I’m gonna go.”

“Alrighty.  I hope you feel better,” she sings.

As he hears her about to end the call, he yells, “YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE!  WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF SO-CALLED PLAYING AROUND WHEN NO ONE KNOWS YOU’RE NOT BEING SERIOUS BUT YOU?!”

“I don’t respond to people who yell at me,” she replies calmly.

“Of course you don’t.  You also don’t respond to me calmly asking you simple questions that could be easily answered.”

“Your questions are simple to you, not me.”

“To explain how you answer the phone when I call isn’t simple?”

“Not to me, that’s just how I answer the phone,” she attempts.

“It is not.  I’ve been around you long enough to know you’re surprised voice.  When I’m around you…you don’t answer the phone like that unless you’re not expecting the call but I can tell you I’m calling in five minutes and when I do, you’re surprised voice is on.  If you like answering like that, you could have saved us this extended conversation and said, ‘u know, I just do that for fun’ but no…you chose not to answer and now I’m hearing myself once again sounding like fool because I’m trying to get you to answer simple questions.  Why?  Because I want to know everything about you.  Picture that.  A man wanting to know everything about the woman he loves.”

“You’re so dramatic.  This has been blown out of proportion.  I don’t know why I answer the phone like that, I just do.  I feel like you just wanted to pick a fight with me and then you try to turn me into the bad guy when I didn’t comply.  I didn’t see the reason why you needed to know.  I apologize for not being able to read your mind.”

“Damn woman!  Can you be any more cold?”

“Yeah…that’s me.  The cold heartless bitch.”

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you.  Maybe I’m wrong for wanting to know.  I was curious.  I thought you’d tell me something cool that I’d enjoy learning but I see you’re just not into opening up when you don’t see the purpose.  What did I do to deserve such a brick wall?”

“You yell and curse and now you’re the victim?  Great.”

“I can’t do this…” he trails off.

“So you’re done?”

“For now…can’t keep punching a brick wall.  I don’t have enough spare knuckles for that.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Albert.”

“At the moment, Shelly, I don’t know either.  I’ll talk to you later.”

Lost in Text-lation, Part I

Her:  Hi

Him:  iH

Her:  Why does that make me smile?

Him:  Because that’s my job

Her:  Really

Him:  Unless you wanna reassign me

Her:  There you go

Him:  Only when you invite me

Her:  #Game this early in the morning?

Him:  #Honesty all day ;-) So, what’s on the agenda today

Her:  Work. Might meet Christine for dinner.  She’s in town.

Him:  And then what?

Her:  Then, I’m gone text some mo’ lol

Him:  Get you every time lol

Her:  And you?

Him:  Gonna dream about you as usual

Her:  There you go again

Him:  Confession: Today, I wanted to wake up in your arms. I dream of afternoon napping, awakening to your fresh scents and your joker smile…Gets me everytime…

Her:  Don’t do this…and am I supposed to still be impressed at your ability to compare me to your favorite comic book villain? Because it’s not working

Him:  Do what?  You have a big smile like the Joker, everyone knows it.  And yes, Joker is my favorite.  He is the exact opposite of my favorite hero, Batman.  They have a harmonious relationship in which they need each other.  They make each other better...

Her:  You and your way with words..."Just being honest" huh?  Better late than never

Him:  I’m not that guy…that was years ago.  Your shoes are dirty too but I don’t point that out do I?

Her:  You can if you like

Him:  That’s not what I’m saying…we should meet up

Her:  I gotta get ready for work…

Him:  Don’t shut me out

Him:  Really?

Her:  I can’t…

Him:  …

Him:  Have a good day…be safe…

Her:  Thx, U 2

Is It Right?

Before you leave, is it right to always say goodbye,
wishing for good tidings for the future that you are inviting, 
you're so excited, thinking about the life you led,
and the I've that's ahead, though the path is dark,
you hope desire gives a spark,
you've prayed everyday and awaited a response,
a Good Word,
a Bad Feeling,
anything to let you know that on the right road or did you choose to go left,
given all to your dreams until there's not much left,
your health starts to suffer,
then your prayers stop buffering the reality, the fallacies,
misconceptions misinterpretations of the signs, 
you've done so much compromising you left yourself behind.

Is it right to say goodbye when you leave,
those many hearts spilling tears on your left sleeve,
hoping their love and affection, might change your direction,
since you're following your heart,
they begin to feel that connection is slowly breaking apart,
slowly hardening the hearts, that you've earned the respect of,
because you were the best dove,
bringing peace and happiness to everyone you touched,
yet the dream that you need is going to put you out of touch.

Is it right to say goodbye, when you feel you need to leave,
you'd like to think you would be back
but pursuing dreams often means that once you get to where
you're going things aren't always what they seem,
then what do you do with shattered dreams,
do you return back to the scene, where you were once King or Queen, 
will loyal subjects now turn mean, will you become the Court Jester,
fool & failure becomes the themes of a once bright & confident,
visionary proponent,
the one who lead by dreams turned to nightmares hear the screams asking...

Is it right to say goodbye before you leave?
Is any door truly closed if you believe?
So is it right to say goodbye before you leave?

Finding Him Within

I was looking for answers to questions unknown, shown the path through lonely places, faces and spaces in time where the familiar approached, asking, "Remember me?" Then, I admited, while looking in the mirror, "I'm not sure I do." I was answering questions with knowledge unknown, created a path through familiar places, dates and states in time where the familiar approached, asking, "Remember me?" Then, hesitantly, while looking in the mirror, I replied, "Hmmm, you look familiar." I was asking questions for answers unknown, walking the path through similar yet unknown places, debating and relating the times where the familiar approached, asking, "Remember me?" Then, relieved, I confessed, while looking in the mirror,"Yes, I do!"