Retreat

I greet faces, familiar or estranged

with smiles that have been the same since

Before I was born, because it's not mine alone

My mom gave me what she had

My dad's influence overwhelms most

So when I shake your hand

I'm eyeing your throat just in case

I every need to take you out

As quick as possible, by any means

Is what he reminds me

My mind then ventures into more

Memories & promises, the ones

You make but one day you can't ignore

That your word has bound you

By constricting restraints

So I retreat in my mind, I contemplate.

I greet faces, familiar or estranged

with smiles that have been the same since

Before I was ever introduced to broken hearts

Broken spirits hurt worse, your world falls apart

It's more than heartache yet that feeds the fire

The longing for answers while too proud to inquire

Devoured by emotions the disappointment of self

The relentless thoughts of how things end

It's torturous because it only uncovers unrest

Sleepless nights produce pressure & stress

Simple tasks become impossible like

Dressing for the weather

So as I stand in the rain

And notice the small puddle become great

I retreat in my mind, I contemplate.

I greet faces, familiar or estranged

with smiles that have been the same since

Before I lost myself, between where I was

And where I am today, not remembering when

Tomorrow became yesterday

The sounds of play brings anxiety

Not sure what it means

My world's upside down, I'm watching chaotic scenes

I'm feeling my reality unravel at the seams

So this smile is not my smile

It's really a smoke screen

Through the fog with high beams

I wonder if anyone even knows or cares

Why I'm building these castle walls?

It's so when I retreat, no one can see me fall…

Then I can retreat in my mind and contemplate it all.