2010 Reflection

2010 was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me;
lots of tests that challenged my Faith & Patience!
I'm glad I'm chose to endure and not give up. Bold are
reoccurring ideas I have encountered, whether
through others sharing or observations. Italicized
words are reoccurring thoughts I had this past year.

2 Timothy 4:7 says, "I have fought the good fight, I have
finished the race, I have kept the Faith." Now, the thing
I have focused on in my reflections of this past year is the
keeping Faith part. This year has been a constant transition,
for me and those close to me. Sure there have been times
that we have seemingly lacked Faith or given up Hope but,
for some reason we continued to move forward. And
because we did, we now find ourselves at the end of
a year of unexpected and remarkable highs and lows.

It doesn't matter that, at times, it seemed our lows outweighed
our highs. It doesn't matter that it seemed we questioned
things and didn't know if we believed anything positive could
come from a certain situation. It doesn't matter that we feel
we didn't achieve what we wanted to achieve, that we may
have failed at something--possibly a relationship, or that
we're not in the position we wanted to be in. What matters
is that we made it to this day. We made it to the end of
another year.

Everyone has the opportunity to reflect on what has happened
and then, determine how to proceed in the new year. If you're
like me, a lot of things were confirmed or brought to light this
past year. And because of this, there is clarity is certain things
so those paths are clear.

This was also a year of unexpected news and confusion
of the heart, being torn between what I thought was right,
what I felt was right and what I wanted to do. At times,
I had to sit still, and allow time to pass because I didn't have
any clear ideas on how to proceed. As frustrating as those times
were, I can see a lesson I was reluctant to learn and accept.
The one thing I will most certainly take into the new year is that
I am still growing as a man. By accepting this, I accept that
even though mistakes are more costly as I get older,
I may still make them, and I need to be okay with that.
Its okay because I believe I'm fighting a good fight,
and that I'm running a good race...at my own pace.

I hope my readers can say the same, if not now,
then hopefully some day soon. Let's seek out our goals
and go after our dreams, for
"a dream deferred is like a broken-winged bird." - Langston Hughes

In 2011, Be Strong, Be Safe, Be You!

I Don't Know Why

This is a poem written after seeing
an awkward hug between father and son.
I attempted to create a voice of the son who
immediately walks away, trying to rationalize
what just happened...

Seeing hands raises for consequences
morphed my motion sensors overtime;
then one day I cringed when my True
Love pounced towards me in glee...I'm not
super sensitive but that was her reason
for leaving...I don't know why, but
I blamed myself for that.

Reaching out with my heart, I released
the words "I Love You," only to receive a
retreating quick mumble of "I love you too."
I would stare for a bit...wondering was it not
okay to say these words...I'm not super sensitive
but that was the reason I gave myself for
retreating internally...I don't know why, but
I blamed myself for that.

Getting a much needed hug was bittersweet,
for I fought to extend the embrace for a larger
exhale; so many emotions filled me,
I thought I would finally explode with a verbal
expression of how my life was made so much
better from this gesture...but I fought in vain,
for the hug only lasted about the length of a
handshake...He pulled away...from me, it seems--
I'm not super sensitive but that
had to be the reason I set myself up for this
disappointment...I don't know why, but
I blamed myself for that.