Give It Up to Favor

She said, “I thought you’d never change.”

I said, “You promised to stay the same. 

Guess promises of never shouldn’t ever happen again.”

She paused.  Looked up into my eyes like she’s searching,

The lurking observer working hard to see my purpose. 

I wonder if she could ever, see my true purpose,

of wanting to be good man, seems like I’m cursed. 

Now I’m looking at her eyes, thinking about how I served this,

relation of contemplation hating the love that made this,

love affair that’s ending before it’s really beginning. 

She asked, “What goes through your mind when your eyes change?”

I replied, “I’m realizing that with time, hearts change. 

But then again, with time, I guess that all things change,

for better or for worse is the perception we all gain.”

“I see you go deep within, I wouldn’t know where to begin. 

I’ll never figure you out.  Just thinking about it makes my head spin. 

You are who you are.  I am who I am.  I was hoping this would work

but it seems nothing remains perfect.”

I added, “nobody’s perfect, yet I feel you’re the one. 

Prayed to God every night that you’d be a mother to my sons. 

And ours daughters would grow up to be, just Like the queen I see,

I look at you in truth, my heart sees inside of you. 

But, if you can’t see me like you did before…I’ll just give it up favor,

guess love don’t live here anymore.  I’ll just give it up to favor…”

As the Door Closes

As the door closes, I stand motionless

Little hunch in my back because of what my shoulders are holding

Unknowingly shorter so I’m feeling like I’m upright

Reflections of my direction directed by mirrored interpretations by

My weapon of mass destruction, my mind is under construction

Reluctantly accompanying my heart to the next juncture

Moving passed the punctured holes of my past, the devastation

My reality crumbled as do all man-made creations.

As the door closes, I stand motionless

Little pressure in my chest because of what my lunges try to process

Progress without struggle is the life I see in others

If I’m wrong, that means their strong or smart enough to keep it under cover

Another close friend said it was written on my face

Suggested I stop pretending if I hope to mend this shattered glass in my space

My state of mind is mystery to me I can’t conceive

My reality are dreams, it seems, I’m not sure who I am or who I hope to be

Seeing all this destruction, my mind is under construction

Reluctantly accompanying my heart to the next juncture

Functioning off muscle memory, the harmony of symmetry’s innovation

My reality crumbled as all man-made creations.

As the door closes, I begin to float away

No pressure even though there’s gravel in my pathway

Feeling like the last days, needing to exhale

No hunger but the game I played left parts of me emaciated

Gravitating to something clutching what seems to be my will

When I hear that door close, Lord Knows, I’ll want to break it down

Sounds of inner voices reliving choices, courting me not to back down

Of course it’s all about the focus, relentless intent not to turn back now

This is just the beginning of building what He intended…I tell myself

This is just the beginning of what He truly intended, I remind myself.

A Simple Hello

“Hello?”

“Good evening.  We have Caller ID…why do you answer as if you don’t know who it is that’s calling or that you’re surprised to hear from me?”

“And how are you? Long day?”

“No, not really.  I’d appreciate if you’d answer my questions.  Answering a question with a question isn’t answering.”

“The pot calling the kettle black I see.”

“It shouldn’t be this difficult,” he sighs.  “It’s like pulling teeth.”

“I’m merely joking.  I can let you go if you need…” she offers.

“What I need is for you to answer the questions I asked,” he insists.

“And what questions would those be?” she asks.

“Never mind…I’m gonna go.”

“Alrighty.  I hope you feel better,” she sings.

As he hears her about to end the call, he yells, “YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE!  WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF SO-CALLED PLAYING AROUND WHEN NO ONE KNOWS YOU’RE NOT BEING SERIOUS BUT YOU?!”

“I don’t respond to people who yell at me,” she replies calmly.

“Of course you don’t.  You also don’t respond to me calmly asking you simple questions that could be easily answered.”

“Your questions are simple to you, not me.”

“To explain how you answer the phone when I call isn’t simple?”

“Not to me, that’s just how I answer the phone,” she attempts.

“It is not.  I’ve been around you long enough to know you’re surprised voice.  When I’m around you…you don’t answer the phone like that unless you’re not expecting the call but I can tell you I’m calling in five minutes and when I do, you’re surprised voice is on.  If you like answering like that, you could have saved us this extended conversation and said, ‘u know, I just do that for fun’ but no…you chose not to answer and now I’m hearing myself once again sounding like fool because I’m trying to get you to answer simple questions.  Why?  Because I want to know everything about you.  Picture that.  A man wanting to know everything about the woman he loves.”

“You’re so dramatic.  This has been blown out of proportion.  I don’t know why I answer the phone like that, I just do.  I feel like you just wanted to pick a fight with me and then you try to turn me into the bad guy when I didn’t comply.  I didn’t see the reason why you needed to know.  I apologize for not being able to read your mind.”

“Damn woman!  Can you be any more cold?”

“Yeah…that’s me.  The cold heartless bitch.”

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you.  Maybe I’m wrong for wanting to know.  I was curious.  I thought you’d tell me something cool that I’d enjoy learning but I see you’re just not into opening up when you don’t see the purpose.  What did I do to deserve such a brick wall?”

“You yell and curse and now you’re the victim?  Great.”

“I can’t do this…” he trails off.

“So you’re done?”

“For now…can’t keep punching a brick wall.  I don’t have enough spare knuckles for that.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Albert.”

“At the moment, Shelly, I don’t know either.  I’ll talk to you later.”