Mind of a Hopeless Romantic Part I

It doesn't take much to make me want
everything you could want me to have
and hold from this day forward...I will
begin to feel what you have commanded
with the endless breathe of destiny's
folklore...I am the main character in this
epic tale.

It doesn't take much to make me want
anything you prepare for any meal of the
year...devouring for nourishment is an
over indulgent pleasure in which I am a
guilty glutton; the example of what not
to be unless you yearn for this everlasting
thirst..I am the pirate on the black flagged
ship sailing your open seas.

It doesn't take much to make me want
nothing more than endless possibilities when
it comes to the passions held deep within...I
am searching tirelessly for an array of variations,
slightly redundant because the familiarity of
your impressions upon my own concept of being
is an addiction that must be chased, yet I admire
the duality that your presence creates in my
reality...I am the unknown to the mind of a
hopeless romantic.

Telling Emotion

Making plans for the future should mirror
making present improvements,
If you really, and I mean really, want to have a go,
you need more than preparation...

Motivation through intimidation? Perhaps...
I'm just speculating challenges,
balancing life's loves
And life's passions, i.e.
Lust versus needs, then needs versus wants
Because too much of anything will make u dependant,
Unless u have a stronger, or rather a fixed mind...

Maybe my lines reveal the truth so when
My lies become lines they will build the descriptions of
Telling falsehoods, prancing on the balance beam of reality;
Emotions may fail to express, so when we speak we may be
further away than when we started;
And when these things fall,
We measure where these things are measured...apart...

Am I Worthy?

Well...
it's hard not to feel hurt,
especially when you lose something you held near your heart,
Or you find that you aren't the person you thought you were,
but Rather you are something more of who you consistently
criticize as part of your personal dissertation on character flaws;
This, my friend, confirms that you are a walking contradiction.

How can you be at peace with this, call yourself a good person,
Look your beloved in the face, wanting respect and love,
When those were the first two things you destroyed
in your quest to "do you" so to speak. I imagine, I too, would
marvel at my abilities if my main objective was to
accumulate the "things I need" through manipulation, leaving out
all other possibilities that rely on faith and the reciprocation
of good works.

Well...
I imagine it is hard to feel hurt when you lose something you
held near your heart, when it was truly your irresponsibility
that lead to the loss...
I imagine if I were you I wouldn't feel worthy of any praise or
the acquired "things I need" that I had received through my
skillful manipulation, because I left out all other possibilities
that rely on faith and the reciprocation of good works...
I would not...feel worthy...I would not be worthy.

A Bad Day-A Poem

Tagged by intention, revealed with fate
Revisited by emotion, led astray with lack of faith
Captioned by spectators, viewed by the public
Trampled by spikes, ground by the grains
Eroded by tears, exaggerated with fears
Repeated by nightmares, erased with time…

Classified by weather, eclipsed with the sun
Provoked by misunderstanding, moved by intent
Dimmed by ignorance, drowned by the lies
Corrupted by hatred, twisted with doubt
Repeated by nightmares, erased with time.

Jealous One

She speaks when he's with her, smiling brightly
with batted eyes that linger as she passes by;
her accomplishments are similarly measured,
looking forward to the opportunity to raise
awareness of her existence...the Jealous One.

She hopes to see her pull his coat tail, roll her eyes,
suck her teeth or ask, "Who is she?"...for she
knows that success in her trade can only be
measured by another's misery or unhappiness;
whether an old flame or a play thing on the side,
she is looking forward to the opportunity to raise
awareness of her existence...the Jealous One.

She sends random messages, emails, text messages,
voice mails, letters, voice mails, etc., at inappropriate
times, purposefully, hoping to get a response that
will reveal that her master plan to separate two
love birds has worked; now she can move in for
some clean up duty...since she has raised the
awareness of her existence...the Jealous One.

She puts down her so-called friends...critical, tactless
statements supported by the infamous justification of
being a good friend or refusing to lie or bite her tongue;
all the while she is wishing she had what her so-called
friends had, the guys the other girls had, the guys
she couldn't appreciate...because she has to raise the
awareness of her existence...the Jealous One.

She seems to hate anyone that appears to be
enjoying life and life's treasured gifts,
anyone who has accomplished personal goals or
lives anywhere close to where she envisioned for
herself but she didn't quite make it...because she has
to raise the awareness of her existence...the Jealous One.

Remember When

Remember when our love was fresh? Each day
and time we touched, we could barely catch our
breathe; the slightest eye contact would give
little chills...and wonders of how amazing
everything feels.

Remember when our love was fresh? Each night
and time we held each other, we could lose
ourselves in the race between the North Star
and Eastern Star...we were gazers, marveling
at our own light, justifying the jealousy of the
moonlit sky.

Remember when our love was fresh? Each dream
was a million interpretations of infatuations
revolving around symbolic metaphors that yearned
for poetic verbiage to pencil in an appointment for a
sonnet...we were magnificent, we were undeniable,
we were love...We Are...

I sure remember and could never forget
My heart,
My Soul Mate...
The Love I Could Never Regret

Around Midnight

Answers arrive as questions vacate;
Memories fade in as new ideas form
like wishful thoughts of celebrity
conversations about my life, not theirs...

Answers arrive as questions vacate;
Memories fade in as new ideas form
like escaping into another reality where
life is life, love is love and anger is
respected as much as concerned or
heart-felt wishes of well-being...

Answers arrive as questions vacate;
Memories fade in as new ideas form
like wondering whether she was wrong
or you were both guilty of selfishly
taking too much time for yourself...

Answers arrive as questions vacate;
Memories fade in as new ideas form
like holding him to husband standards
while he has yet to see her reach the
potential of her wife-like qualities, thus
the fun and excitement are memories...

Answers arrive as questions vacate;
Memories fade in as new ideas form
like feelings and thoughts meshing together,
manifesting themselves into our dreams...Around midnight...

Relaxation

Entering home without flipping a single light switch,
feeling my way through to the relief of calm;
I shall shower and wear my gray sweats--relaxing.

Corrine Bailey Ray, John Legend & Mayer, Jill Scott,
Erykah Badu, Adele, Norah Jones and those alike
arrange the soundtrack of free thoughts leisurely
passing through the trail of Endless Possibilities--relaxing.

Hot Mango & Peach tea, hot cocoa or cream soda in a
glass bottle accompaniment provides a sensible friend
that shares in the release of my strain; cool or hot the
smooth always overtakes me--relaxing.

Getting Out

No creases, just a gentle bump
or hung hangers strategically in
a steamy bath; two-minutes to
brush, my exposed brown tones
attract every corner's breeze AND
each chill reminds me of my rush,
as I stride effortlessly...away...

Fleet-footed rainbow dancing,
with cool breeze encouragement
firmly UPON MY BACK;
I stride
effortlessly...
towards you...

Made A Decision

I made a decision, even though

it was probably already made;

but since I've decided to move

forward, past thoughts intrude

my present-day thinking.



I made a decision, even though it was

probably already made; but since

then, looking forward has lead me

back to reasons why I had yet do

to so.



I made a decision, even though it

was probably already made;

but since then, my heart pounds

through my chest; rest-filled nights

are quasi-sleepless, still...



I will not turn around.

In My Hands...

"Success demands that we
regulate our impulses..."
Self-regulation is my power,
My hero complex...

So my hope for a normal life
lies in my hands, much like
the lives I attempt to save, to change,
to deliver from the scars of others;
I stand alone against the tide,
embracing the wrath of mostly
never seen villains, for when they
are afoot, I reside in the shadows,
awaiting their poor decisions that
make my choices for me; placing
your life in my hands.

As I enter the crime scene, mental notes
are observed, not taken, for far too
much has been removed from you...
My mission is to return the smile to
your heart, filling your body with
the fire you never knew existed,
had dismissed as a little girl's wish,
or have been afraid of...the wonders
of the unknown terrifies the victim's
mind, crippling her heart, so rebuilding
is not an option...my technique involves
stealth-like behaviors that ignite
an obsession to be fulfilled...and
this obsession is placed in my hands.

My internal struggles, these insatiable impulses,
establish my objectives...
I aspire to identify with the brokenness,
weakness, sorrows and pity...in an effort
to help restore balance to a broken life;
Reuniting your body with the shadows
of your mind, the memories of tomorrow
are now in my hands, for today's experiences
will create such vivid dreams which will replay
over and over until it is reality...

Sleepy Eyes

I have always wondered why eyes itch before
you go to sleep. It is obviously an early indicator
that babies are in need of a nap when their
moods change and they begin to
rub their eyes. This is true up unto adulthood...
at least it is true for me. I begin
to zone out and can be a little irritable
(unknowingly of course) and my eyes
will text my hands, with a request for a gentle
yet firm rub. As we all know,
eyes are very sensitive and once these manly,
strong yet soft
(it's okay to laugh, I toot my horn for fun)
hands caress these eyelids, a gentle moisture
forms and at times, leak out of the
corners.
[Too much fun with words? Maybe :-)]

I enjoy this feeling, this yearning of the eyes for the
touch of my hands, the itchy feeling that desires to be
massaged. It is an indicator that I have exhausted enough
fuel throughout the day and it is getting close to the time
when I need rest. It is the signs of the a new beginning...
an end to another great day that always leads to the
endless possibilities of tomorrow.

Small cuts, knee scraps, and some other injuries itch as well
when healing. This is also a welcomed state of being that I
associate with sleepy eyes. The body heals better with sleep.
So if I'm hurt, feeling down or under the weather, sleepy
itchy eyes are the beginning to a better tomorrow.

Look at me

Standing on the bridge of Hope,
I plunged into the river of Destiny...
Currently floating as a feather in air,
Gaze with carefree toddler eyes,
Wishing, never to awake from a daydream.

Stars being caught by a horizon,
My chest embraces the wind's song,
As my back grows cucumber eyes...
I resist all temptation, unless it calls my name.

Screaming from a mid-ranged cliff,
I released my passion of forgotten songs...
Divulging all through colorless eyes (Now look at me);
Retiring from a lifetime...I may begin again...

Before Anything Starts...

The following poem uses familiar ideals to express strong emotions to relate the idea of how situations can get out of hand, especially situations involving experiences and people that we are passionate about...including ourselves.


How many times is too many,
when it seems your heart and mind have never agreed?
What do you do, when you don't know what to do,
and every feeling you've ever had feels untrue?
Is it fair to say, that everything in love plays,
on how very different your words and actions
reveal exactly what you didn't want to say?

What is the purpose of hurting for love?
Is it the example that came from above?
The war between good and evil was hinged,
on unconditional love that humans still seem to not comprehend?
(Giving what is most precious without the slightest ulterior motive,
only to express your love and the lengths you will go for that love)
Or is it the glutinous for punishment that we see exhibited by
Adam and Eve's inability to resist the sweet taste of a fruit that was
forbidden from the sky?

Why do we ask questions that we think we want to know the answers to,
when actually, we're searching for a hope of a reality that we desire desperately to be true?
(No one likes rejection...the truth hurts,
sadly it is needed so that relationships and
situations are not based on a false reality)

Is it so hard to believe that a lie was told, in hopes not to hurt?

Or is it easier to point the judgemental finger

because you're the one that got hurt?

What is the answer to the questions that have no real answers?

For example, will I be a famous composer, singer, or dancer?
(No one can predict the future...yet we are hurt when honest, maybe tactless answers are given. We all yearn to be inspired by the ones we love and want to be an inspiration as well)

These are aspirations, such as one for peace of mind or reparations
for all the heartache, pain and suffering, tactless rants and
arguments over fabrications.
"Everybody knows that nobody really knows, how to make it right..." (J. Legend)
So why give it one more try when you are still hurting deep inside?

Wanting something you think you need is so inconsiderate of one's own heart,
Seems like more should be considered before anything ever starts.

Success Part II: The Slide Shows of Life

Decisions, decisions, decisions...mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...lessons, lessons, lessons...

From an early age, each person in the world has to learn that every decision made has a consequence. Whether we are treated or punished, decisions must be made. On the road to success (remember, the individual defines his/her success), the choices made may not always be interpreted as good ones, even if the choice is made with the best interests in mind.

Upon hearing this song for the first time many moons ago, I was drawn to John Legend's soulful voice and the words that he sang. I immediately thought of my life and all of the ups and downs that I have experienced. Hip-hop artist and businessman Clifford "T.I." Harris paints a vivid picture of his beginnings, from his childhood aspirations to acquire wealth to his decisions to become a successful artist. Along the way, he encountered several life-changing experiences, ones that have earned him extended incarcerated stays within the state. Still, just like anyone, when adversity arrived at his doorstep, he had opportunities to make decisions to begin new paths in life and to end old ones, which his last two albums have elaborated on, as well as his reality show (not a shameless plug I assure you). T.I. is quoted as saying, "I've learned just to do things. Courage comes from adversity once you go through it". For me, courage seems to be an important key to success and during the video, you can see courage displayed as T.I. continued working and trying to help others even though he had been sentenced with another stay with the state.

I dare not compare myself or my life experiences to those of the aforementioned artist, but like him, I have faced seemingly countless adverse situations that were the consequences of my own decisions, as I'm sure my readers have as well. Some may speculate upon the reasons behind the choices made by categorizing them as immature actions, selfishness, stubbornness or ignorance, etc. Yet, in every one's mind at the time that a decision is made and a mistake develops and a life lesson begins, the reality of the situation is quite clear and the reasoning for that decision may seem very logical.

Everyone has heard the saying, "hindsight is 20/20" and if we could see a slide show of our lives we could observe and remember things that may not have been as clear before. Luckily, we can choose to reflect (be careful not to ponder too long) on situations once we have gotten out of them to discover the lessons we must learn so that we will not make the same mistakes twice. This is the secret path of acquiring wisdom, which I'm sure you will agree is essential to success.

My dad told me once, "when the unexpected occurs, that's not the time to be emotional. Think...'how am I going to deal with this situation'? Then, get your plan together and follow through with your plan. Once you are in the clear, then you can look back on it (view your slide show) and react how you want: jump up and down, cry, laugh or whatever." Seems like a good recipe for success to me...

Success

A young farmer harvesting her first crop.
A 16-year-old changing her oil for the first time without her dad's assistance.

A husband making his wife's favorite meal.
A high school all-star doing his homework.

Seeing your children happily married with children.
Seeing your children achieve anything.

A first year teacher leaving school for summer vacation.
Earning an academic achievement.

Being hired for a job.
Knowing you did your best, yet not acquiring the outcome you hoped for...

Success comes in many forms and is very different for each individual. Deciding to be successful and choosing where to begin the journey to success are also very different. During my first year of teaching I really wanted to be successful. As the months passed, I found myself just wanting to find a way out. Things were not going anywhere close to where I felt success could be achieved for me or my students.

It was only when I decided to end just wanting to be successful that I began my path to
success. Once I began moving towards the goals I set, things got tougher...

Then, overnight...things changed. My sleepless nights became a distant memory. My frustrations became welcomed challenges. And finally my life became a lot easier to smile about.

This may seem like a lot of rambling and maybe it is. Hopefully it will serve those who have dreams but are not sure what to expect once they get started.

It took me, and I'm sure others, many times to fail...but in the end, it was the path to success.

Wet Seats

Yesterday a magnificent storm graced our presence and I enjoyed watching it as I do all storms. The winds were blowing, thunder rolling, and lightening striking--sounding like hits in the baseball game in the movie Twilight. Towards the end of the storm, one of my roommates called to ask me to let his windows up on his car. Needless to say it reminded me that my windows were down as well. Wet seats...The joys of summer.

Today, I drove to the bank and my seats appeared fine. To my surprise and enjoyment, the seats were very wet and the scent in the car was so amazing. I thought to myself, "why can't my car smell this way everyday...better yet, when I go out on a date? This has to be the sexiest smell for a Ford Man to have...right"? My roommate and I were privileged to a squishy ride and now similarly smelling shorts and t-shirts from our short journey on my wet seats.

Wet car carpet...The joys of summer.

You may wonder, what does this have to do with beginning anything? Well, honestly, this has more to do with decisions in the midst of a storm. I made the decision to go outside during the storm to let up the windows, even though a great deal of water damage had already occurred. Today, I decided to let the windows down so that the car can air out (also sprayed some Febreeze for cars, my exercise in futility for the day). I may also go to the car wash and use that carpet fresh shampoo vacuum thing tomorrow.

The point is that the storm is over, yet damage has been done. I chose to act during the storm and now I am continuing to act even though it is gone. So, how do you handle your storms? What do you do when you have wet seats?

What's Pulling the Carriage?

Whether we are goal setting, dreaming or in the midst of turmoil, we have to decide where to begin or how to end. Determining our paths can be exciting and also terribly horrifying depending upon the situation. To paraphrase a famous writer, Clifford Harris, learn to just do things. Courage is born from adversity once you go through it.

In the midst of turmoil, a person has choices, whether to stay and fight, whether to run, or whether to walk away. Either way, it seems that the most basic explanation of why a person chooses a course of action is based upon the title of this post: What's Pulling the Carriage? What is the motivating factor in the situation? What drives the person? What influences are strongest in a person's life? These and more questions may be asked to determined what's pulling the carriage. The answers to these questions may offer great insight and may unlock the secrets of one's true character.

So, as we go about our days, ask ourselves, what (or who) is pulling my carriage? What is allowing me or pushing me to do the things that I do? What is the strength that pushes and pulls you along life's journey?