I Am Not...Yet...

Stadium blasts of mirror glass images

Depicting rituals, situational forensics

Revealing mysteries, specifically cholegraphy

Signs of the times, making sight seem blind

Fast forward or rewind, see Courage come alive

When an avalanche gains momentum it's a system

Relentless sentiments exist only to the fearless

Those stadium blasts are as clear as silent room whispers

Stadium blasts of mirror glass images

Depicting rituals, situational forensics

Commitments of dispositions, proposed with a kiss

Left turn signal for the right lane change

Indecent luck draws attention listen...crowd applause

A simple black dress invites thirsts for conquests

Relentless sentiments exist only to the fearless

Those stadium blasts are as clear as silent room whispers

Stadium blasts of mirror glass images

Depicting rituals, situational forensics

Bells toll revelations to the searchers of the soul

Lost cities deviate into homes through contemplation

Foundations are ideas, reconstruction can conceal

Gender roles model hollows sleeping late into tomorrow

Relentless sentiments exist only to the fearless

Those stadium blasts are as clear as silent room whispers

A Journey Out of Order

As my mind bends through time,
After lives sent me into the clouds,
Armed, with the confidence to represent my purpose
And the will to endure my consequences,
I remember the plot of an artist's life,
Imitating love, struggle, plight, pain;
My sights were set upon the uncharted land,
Where I met Understanding, Wisdom and Truth.

As my mind bends through time,
When lives sent me underground,
Unarmed, with little resolve to represent any purpose
Or the will to endure my consequences,
I molded the talent's of an artist's craft,
Discovering love, struggle, plight, and pain;
My sights set upon the charted land,
Wishing for Understanding, Wisdom and Truth.

As my mind bends through time,
As lives send me through dreams,
Armed, with ambition to represent a purpose
And the will to overlook my consequences,
I embrace the passion of an artist's craft,
Living love, struggle, plight and pain;
My sights set upon the uncharted land,
Anticipating Understanding, Wisdom and Truth.

Fate's Favor

Slowly sippin away,
Ignoring playmates,
Forgetting play dates,
"You could have it all,"
Then, years passed...
Guess Fate made me wait.

Slowly sippin away,
Present days blurred into dreams of yesterday;
Words slurred--head on collisions--
Too many ideas,
Can't speak in this condition;
The fear of deviating with tangents
As my ideas mutate,
Around the statement she made,
Replaying over and over again,
"You can have it all,"
Then, years passed...
Guess Fate made me wait.

No longer sippin...now I'm slippin away,
I see the sunrise, it's blinding,
A new light illuminates my pathway;
This narrow road is difficult,
And disappears with each step,
So there's no turning back
It's much easier to look up;
The way is much clearer
When I look out in the distance,
I see the end of the road and
What's right in front of me,
Like it was the back of my hand;
My heart opened up to the words as she said,
"You will have it all,"
Then, years passed...
I'm glad Fate made me wait.

Distorted Reflection

I...ran...as fast as I...could...

So why do I wonder if I could have done more?
Why do I replay that day over and over in my head?
What's the use of contemplating the "maybe"?
I mean, at the time...I did what I could...right?

I...ran...as...fast...as...I...could...
Because when I arrived,
It felt like I had the lungs of a mouse,
Running with the legs of a panther,
Strong, smooth, gliding through space,
As if time hesitated in awe of my determination;
But it wasn't enough...I didn't make it in time...

I...ran...as...fast...as I thought...I...could...
And as the days pass,
I can't help but play out different scenarios in my head,
Giving me more of chance,
Yet...if I didn't do as much as I could when
I was at the height of emotion, how could I have possibly
Produced more--energy, will, determination, time--

I guess hindsight isn't always 20/20...

It's All Connected...

I see...

Indentions...

In my tongue...

As I stare at them, I begin to wonder...

Where did these come from? How long have I had these?

Is this normal?

Then...reality settled in...my shoulders dropped...and

I sighed...

Could this be the result of holding my tongue so

much that I bite it...

In my sleep?

I may be very random yet my mind

sees all in a linear model...

All connected, even things that create their own path...

So...I connected the dots,

developed a Hypothesis, collected data and compared

it to a control group; Varied variables and conserved

constants who consistently revealed iirrefutable evidence

that as I "handle situations very well" and "seem to always

be calm" or "am rarely upset over anything" and despite

my best efforts to relieve stress...

I internalize emotions in abundance

Causing involuntary muscles to contract

From the pressure of tension, possibly

Piercing layers of tissue that I need for tasting...

No wonder when I get upset

I lose my appetite...

I do not wish to be seen as a "Know-it-All" or

Anyone of the sort...

I know enough to know I don't know nearly as much

As I would like, yet quite often I know more than

Enough to share with others, thus providing

Catalysts for epiphanies to ignite a flame of change;

A restructuring of realities if you will...yet...I choose

To keep things to myself...

Although I may do so, I'm not a fan of

repeating myself. I'm not a fan of pity parties even

if I have had my share in the past.

I choose to live my days in the most positive ways

I can imagine...so...I take a little extra time to choose

My words more carefully...

Sometimes my words are clear to me and not others.

Other times my words are unclear and can not choose any...

For the time being...

Lastly, for now, some aren't ready to

accept These verbal expressions as genuine

aids to Improving life, understanding or a particular

situation. I consider this because the rejection of

some truths Can be quite disturbing and disruptive

to a Relationship--for lack of a better word...so...

Instead of creating these possible outcomes...

I bite my tongue...figuratively...

And now I see, I bite it literally...

Initial Thoughts After Winning

As I start from the end,

Finishing at the line where they begin,

I end with a lean, I am inner screams,

Cinematic soundtrack--instrumental life;

Music moved me to move swift,

Swept my cares under the rug...

So one day I can reminisce.

A Quick Note...For You...

If you get home first,
Please start dinner...I know you had a long day but...
The meat is already in a bowl, marinating in the fridge,
And there is a bottle of RED wine by the sugar--
I set it out so you wouldn't have a choice;
As you can see I'm getting better at letting you
Know what I want. *insert smiley face here*

Pre-heat the oven at 350 degrees,
By the time the RED light goes off
You should have placed the meat in the grill pan...
The one you gave me for our first Date Night
You started a couple of months ago--
I set it out so you wouldn't have a choice;
As you can see I'm getting better at letting you
Know what I want. *insert smiley face here*

Now, after about 15 minutes,
Turn off the stove...the meat will keep cooking
So...the RED light will still be on to let you know
The oven is still HOT--after about five minutes
If I'm still not there, take it out of the oven and place it
On the "pan stand" as I call it--the one I gave you
For Our Second Date Night gift--it was a gag but you
LOVE it so...I still don't understand why...
I set it out so you wouldn't have a choice;
As you can see I'm getting better at letting you
Know what I want *insert smiley face here*

If you walk to the door now,
You will see I'm standing here,
With an arm full of flowers, balloons, and a card--
It's Monday and I know you had a big presentation
This morning...I know you probably didn't do any
Of what I wrote because you are drained and couldn't
Believe I left you a "Honey-Do" list on a day like today;
I am going to do all of those things
After I run you a bath...you see,
I set this note out so you wouldn't have a choice;
As you can see I'm getting better at letting you
Know that all I want is YOU! *insert smiley face here*

Maybe I've Given Up

I see you...

Speeding through residentials,
Exceeding everyone's limits by
Indulging gluttonously--solids and liquids,
Blasphemously, tirelessly inviting
Any free ear to your weekly pity party,
Seems like a relief, when I'm too busy to speak,
Yet I feel bad for not getting behind in my work,
For not losing sleep to comfort you in vain...

Maybe I've given up...

I see you...

Using language becoming of a parental advisory,
Disrespecting yourself and family
Trying to impress your friends,
Refusing to follow any directions other than
The ones that take you nowhere,
A place that's so familiar;
Instead of home...you choose to go there,
Instead of forward into a positive, prosperous
And rewarding future, you go nowhere...
Nowhere is more attractive,
Nowhere is where you can make nothing happen,
Therefore...Nothing can go wrong...
So wanting to go nowhere has to be okay...
And I've stopped yelling, singing and speaking
My old song of encouragement
Because instead of picking you up,
It's bringing me down...

Maybe I've given up...

I see you...

Now you see me too...Finally...

You ask me what am I looking at and before today
My response would you; a future; a reality based upon
Rules that fit perfectly, life's tailored suit--

Yet you failed to even try it on,

So what I'm looking at, I don't have a clue...

Maybe I've given up...