Her Awareness

The blaze roared; devouring the oak dining room table and chairs her dad created for as their wedding gift. She heard a slight whistle seep from the cushions of the couch as they fell helplessly into the flames. As the rage of flames consumed the curtains, minuscule flakes sprang from the burning fabric. For a second, she awed at its beauty; its majestic form dominating all in its path. Escaping from the house, she could hear the sirens blaring. Her glossy eyes reflected the image of an inevitable truth--the hopelessness every human being encounters at least once in his/her lifetime--the loss of something you love. Although she was deeply saddened watching her home disappear before her eyes, one thing was clear--her awareness of who she was, which always proved to be in her favor.

I survived. I always survive.

As Jim arrived, he was overcome with emotion. He ran towards her, arms spread out in hopes to comfort her; yet she knew, he was the one who needed comforting the most. For the past nine months, Jim, his dad and his father-in-law, all worked on renovating this house, which finally began to feel like home.

“Glad we didn’t buy that welcome mat,” he offered, as a poor attempt to make her smile.

Jim was good at making me smile, but not tonight. She was focused on one thing. Survival. What would they have to do tomorrow? Meet with the insurance agent; go down to the police station and fire station to complete all reports…

“THE SAFE!”

“It’s fire proof Sweetie. I insured the paintings too. I know you thought I wouldn’t remember,” Jim joked, with a strained smile on his face.

She could tell he was hurting more than he let on. That’s what happens when you invest so much into something and all of the sudden, it’s gone. You feel depleted, immediately emptied and weighed down all at the same time. And she felt it too.

“Your dad always says, ‘B.S. happens…to some more than others. It’s what you do after that really matter.’”

“We’ll survive,” she whispered to Jim, smiling, knowing that Jim cleaned up her father’s words. Jim’s always been good at making me smile.

Taking a Break vs. Quitting

Recently, I’ve been analyzing the things in and around my life. Through this analysis, I am becoming more aware of what makes me tick. In doing so, I’ve had some profound revelations be revealed and confirmed by others who I consider have like minds. A more recent revelation has come from my love for gaming. It’s no secret that I enjoy playing video games. I’ve played, believe it or not, for close to 30 years! Regardless of what anyone says, playing video games challenges your senses, concentration and tests your determination to see tasks through until the end. As I thought about my desire for gaming and how involved I can become with a game, I posed a question via Twitter & Facebook: How do you know when to quit completely or when to take a break?

A good friend of mine, Mr. Griggs replied, “If you know what you need to do but keep making the same mistake, it’s time to take a break.” This is such a profound statement and should be applied to life in general. Taking a break is never a bad idea, if done for right reasons. Generally speaking, life can wear you down. If you’re giving all that you can and not seeing sufficient improvement, “it’s time to take a break.” To paraphrase another good friend of mine, Mr. Graves, in most cases, it’s good to get away from a situation so you can clear you mind and assess the situation from afar. Maybe you will discover that the game really isn’t worth any more of your time…or maybe you will find the answers you desire.

Lastly, my brother Mr. James told me, “You can never quit.” I believe in this completely. Quitting is never an option. If there is a way, I’m going to find it and I will be victorious! Please do not confuse this with any real life situation in which you may be in danger, physically or emotionally. Walking away or moving on are not the same as quitting. Quitting is when you haven’t given a sufficient effort. You didn’t try your best or even give the situation a chance to work out. In real life, you may need to walk away or move on. This doesn’t mean you’ve quit; you’re just choosing a different game to play; one where the rules and environment are conducive to your growth and success.

A Reluctant Truth

Ever had more than one puzzle box,

and some of the pieces from one

are raked into another? When you try to

put the pieces together to complete the puzzle,

some pieces may fit into the picture but once

the puzzle pieces are in place, the picture is

still not complete. The picture will have a

distortion in colors or it may be an obvious

irregularity that throws off the image you've

tried to create.

This lesson can be applied to every day life.

Some things and some people, no matter how

fond you are of them, do not fit into your life.

Whether it's a love of sweets and you have diabetes,

salty foods versus high blood pressure, or even

in relationships. Some people do not fit into

your life. And that's okay.

The challenge is to accept this reluctant truth

and have the courage to move forward.

"Puzzles have pieces that may fit into others;

yet fail to complete the picture." -- AAW

Doing Too Much

“Let me get that,” his baritone voice insisted.

As he reached for his wallet with his left hand, his right hand touched hers for the first time. First dates are usually the most revealing and misleading of all experiences of a young couple. She had to admit it was refreshing to have a genuine offer to pay for dinner and not have to endure another passive-aggressive reverse psychological exchange where she ended up paying entirely for the meal.

Enjoy the moment. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself Estelle. He does have a beautiful smile, kind of like David’s. Oh, how I miss…No Estelle! Focus on the present. It’s been three years. Besides, this is the first guy to take you to church without you suggesting it! Oh no…have I been staring at him all this time? Oh God! Wait…has he been staring at me? Oh my God he was!

She dropped her head, and slowly, looked up at him, raking back her hair with her left hand.

“Those are very nice earrings. They really bring out your eyes.”

He compliments earrings and compares them to my eyes? Who does that? This guy is too good to be true…no…I’ll be positive. Just stay on your toes Estelle. He may be doing too much, but I like it…

The Awareness

I can see it so clearly.

Sure I wear glasses but there isn't any glare;

Only well-defined edges, sharp colors and

the awareness of the slightest movement.

I can feel it's near.

Sure I'm hairy but none are standing on my body;

Only the feeling of distinct breezes, cool and warm and

the awareness of the slightest movement.

I can definitely hear it.

Sure I'm musically inclined but this isn't familiar;

Only vibrant rhythms, vocals, instrumentation and

the awareness of the slightest movement.

I can surely taste it.

Sure I'm hungry but there's also an undying thirst;

Only it's not for consumption, but of achievement and

the awareness of the slightest movement.

I am confident I know it.

Sure I'm only beginning but I've got a head start;

Only because I'm wise enough to seek wisdom from

the awareness of the world's slightest movement.

Leading Me Home

Lost without a map,

With a growing feeling of awareness;

Pushing and pulling in an unknown direction.

Lost without a map,

With a passion to complete this journey;

Pushing and pulling in a desired direction.

Lost without a map,

With an idea of what is needed;

Pushing and pulling in a familiar direction.

Lost without a map,

With a dream that illustrates hope;

Pushing and pulling, leading me home.

Inside First

Dear You,

Looking in the mirror and loving what you see begins by loving what’s on the inside FIRST. As cliché as this may be, it is one of the truest statements when it comes to love. Whether you are looking for love, hoping love finds you or confused about how or when to love, it all begins inside.

Think about it…if you don’t take time to get to know who you are as a person, how can you see who you really are? When you look in the mirror, you see what’s on the inside and outside all at once. So, if there are things you dislike, don't understand or are concerned about, feelings of uncertainty can cloud your vision and you see an obscure reflection that is not truly representative of you.

Why do you think it’s hard for some people to take a compliment? Maybe this person is so busy looking at the flaws on the inside; it overwhelms the natural beauty on the outside. And yes, “you are your worst critic” but that doesn’t mean it has to consume you. Sooner or later, I want you to be comfortable with yourself. Sooner, rather than later, begin to love your quirky uniqueness and embrace who you are today as the foundation of the person you will be tomorrow.

The Bible gives us the Golden Rule, to treat others the way you want to be treated. So, love yourself unconditionally from the inside out, FIRST. It makes it easier to love others and for others to love and appreciate you.

Sincerely,

Me