Withholding information, lying by omission, or just plain fabricating and creating a grand tale of epic proportions can actually be justified when the act serves is derived from a genuine expression of selflessness. More often than not, we are not so lucky to have such acts performed that are not spawned from ulterior motives. In such cases, it is clear that divulging truthful statements, no matter the harsh realities they may reveal, is one of the best ways to express your love for another. This isn’t to say or suggest that tactless rants of criticism should be spewed at a moment’s notice. It is, however, encouragement for the promotion of efficient and effective communication. Holding back or refusing to share helpful information can be far more damaging to a relationship than giving constructive criticism. Be mindful that some people, actually, most people may not be open to or welcome criticism because of their ego, and that’s perfectly normal. With this in mind, constructing thoughtful, genuine and tactful messages is the key to sharing thoughts that may be intended to help but may be taken as criticism.
Growing up, my family was infamous (and still is) for “telling it like it is.” My grandmother would tell often remind everyone, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.” When you’re young, priceless jewels like these are challenging to appreciate. Once you’ve lived and experienced life, you learn how simple statements like these apply to many situations. In regards to this topic, offering your opinion out of love, concern and genuine affection from someone is what some call Tough Love. This type of love allows parents to tell their children “you stink, go wash” or a friend to offer another a stick of gum or a wife to suggest to her husband not to wear those some tight khakis that are too revealing.
On the flip side of this, holding back on expressing how you feel can be just as damaging, if not more. When you hold in emotions, it transforms into stress and after a while your body will adjust and you won’t even realize you’re stressed. Your actions may be a tad off and those close to you may recognize. As time passes and more stress is added to your life, it will begin to manifest itself in different ways life loss of libido, emotional breakdowns, uncontrollable fits of anxiety and possibly depression. Not to be Donald Downer but these examples are real. Also, holding back Tough Love and emotions could make matters worse for your loved one. For example, if your mate is a bad cook they invite their boss over for dinner, this could be disastrous. Your mate’s boss may be very forthcoming about his/her experience with the badly prepared meal. This could place you in a bad light because you could’ve saved your loved one this embarrassment, which usually hurts more than a Tough Love statement.
Lastly, if you do decide to give Tough Love, be sure you have helpful suggestions or options for correcting the situation or suggestions to go about finding a solution. Criticizing without offering guidance or a helping hand to improve is futile, and honestly, something a selfish person would do. As the late, great Michael Jackson displayed, make Tough Love expressions “with love.” So, with that in mind, please remember, there are many ways to express love. Tough Love is better than No Love. Now, don’t go out into the world and get beat up because your not tactful. Be cautious and patient when determining how and when to express Tough Love. If you’re not sure how to be tactful, write your thoughts down and read them out loud to yourself. Imagine someone is saying those things to you. Then, be sure to insert phrases like, “I’m saying this out of love so please hear me out” and “forgive me if this comes off as mean because it is not my intention.” Finally, brace yourself because when you give a little Tough Love, you may receive a lot in return.
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