Premeditated

So, I decided to end it all and commit all of my resources into doing so. At first, I was a little apologetic but those emotions became less and less sincere as I recited my statement of why I chose this course of action. The bottom line, as I like to say, is that when I attempted to balance the equation of my life, there were inequalities that needed to be eliminated. There were also a few key variables that needed to be added in, controlled variables that factored into why I am not content with the current standings of my empire. When everything was properly entered into equation the only viable answer was this…

Therefore, I’m ending this pathetic attempt at living and I’m making the choice to do what’s necessary for me to have peace. I’m sure there will be those that say they miss me…I imagine a few may mean it. Some may plead the case that there is always another way; that ending a life is never the answer. Well, that may be the case for others but not I. I, stand firm in my decision to dissolve my association with everything I’ve grown to know and love, even those who have tried to stand by me, comfort me and support me.

Feeling like a burden, being a burden to others is not my idea of living, yet, that is what I’ve been doing for the past few years. I know some psychologist may try to psycho analyze this, pointing out all of the I’s, relating it to a selfish act brought on by some condition that no one can pronounce to properly categorize my mental state upon my exit. Well, I know this is selfish. Of course it is! I’m looking out for myself, my feelings, and my well-being. The way I’ve been living has been torturous…I turn away from mirrors because I don’t see any reflection I recognize. I am so disappointed that I allowed my happiness to get away, that I bent and twisted my perception of life into such an unreasonable sense of reality that I can no longer recognize myself.

So many others could do so much more being in my shoes…so I’m providing that opportunity now. I’m leaving a list of people I’ve been investigating over the last year that would benefit greatly from the things that I will no longer need or use. Please follow the directions specified on the DVD recording. There will be no evidence of my remains. By the time this letter has been read, all of my assets will be liquidated and any funds, properties or assets unspecified for disbursement will be with me.

Clearing his throat, the family attorney breaks the silence in the room. “As you can see, Mr. Orswell has taken care of all logistics in matters of his estate. It appears he has been planning this escape for quite some time. Are there any questions?”

There are looks of horror, disgust and sadness throughout the room. Tears, mumbles and expletives are released as the reality began to sink in. He was gone. And no one would ever know where or how he could have pulled this off without anyone knowing.

“Yes, I have a question,” laughed Mrs. Orswell. “How is it that a man who was declared medically incapable of motor skills able to do all of this?” “Practice,” his eldest son replied.

“Patience and practice. Wasn’t that his motto? Oh wait...that was yours too.  I guess you his best friend Phillip can stop sneaking around now.”

“Watch your tongue young man! How dare you accuse…”

“Save it mom,” Brad interrupted. “Just save it…”

Mr. Orswell watched closely via satellite to ensure the reading was successful. He smiled, then, boarded an unmarked plane, determined to live out the rest of his days in peace.