Dear (To Whom It May Concern) #3:
I have finally decided. I’m going to do it. I knew that if I told you face to face you would try to say something to talk me out of what I have determined is the best way for me to handle this situation. I knew that the look on your face would be imprinted upon my brain and I would never be able to implement, if I may say so, the perfect plan to thrust me into my destiny. Careful consideration has been taken to ensure that I am acting purely on behalf of myself. Now, this may be considered as a selfish act when worded in such a way but believe me, it has taken quite a bit of concentration and focus to empathize with those who may feel a certain kind of way about my decision. Although it may not be a popular choice, it is my choice…and mine alone.
It has taken me 3 months to understand that with anything you do in life, you cannot please everyone. And with decisions that alter our realities, such as, which sport or instrument to play, which guy you will allow to take you to the prom and possibly be your “first”, which college to attend or what career will make you happy but also allow you to live the life that you have envisioned for yourself; these decisions have the potential to hurt your closest friend and break the heart of your one true love. These decisions can disappoint your parents and make you the topic of every family holiday gathering. So, I suppose when you give or read this letter to them, you can let them know that I couldn't give a damn who doesn’t respect my decision or who is hurt by it.
I’ve had to deal with their poor decision-making over the years and I’m sure none of them ever wondered, “Hey, I wonder how _______ would feel if I did or said this?” No! You know what I did get though? Slaps in the face, public ridicule, disrespect, jabs at my self-esteem, taunts, back-handed compliments, a detailed list of my short-comings, too many I told you so statements, and even pros and cons lists that clearly placed me at the top of several totem poles. Yes, the top. The top actually represents the thing that is least important, not the bottom...
I’m tired of being rejected, subjected to mind games and heartless comments followed by “I’m just playing” comments. I’m tired of worrying if I’m good enough for…for anyone! I’m tired of studying for weeks only to earn a C-. I’m tired of cooking, cleaning, serving plates, washing clothes, being reminded of him with almost everything I do! I’m tired of being the one who is always there, the one he can count on, the one who deserves more…I mean seriously…if I deserved more yet we both know you’re giving her those things then obviously I’M NOT WORTH IT TO YOU! So why let that _____ leave your cold lips? I don’t deserve this…any of this…from family to so-called friends to lovers…I don’t need this…
So…I’ve decided…I’ve decided to make the decision to change my reality. At this point, my life is not one to be envied. It is not one that can be a testimony because I have yet to come out of any storm. It is not a life that anyone can learn from because who would be foolish enough to place herself in this position. I feel as helpless as a butterfly with no wings…I have decided to do the only thing that will end all of this…this reality that I have grown to reluctantly accept as my life…I have decided to grow wings…
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